Rants we have plenty!

A twenty something story high building, only 2 out of 4 working elevators, the lady was not happy.

Oh my God, how long do we have to wait!

This is ridiculous! Ridiculous!

Great, great, one elevator finally is here but it fills up to the max at once. Us three can't get in! This is absurd! Absurd!

While performing her passionate monologue to the reluctant audience, she managed to get an eye contact with the unlucky building officer and decided that inserting a dialogue would be the perfect variation needed for her play.

Unhappy Lady: Hey officer, why aren't the 2 elevators working? This is unacceptable! Unacceptable!

Hapless Officer: I'm really sorry mam, the two elevators stopped working this morning, we're trying to fix them asap. My apology for the inconvenience.

Unhappy Lady: Inconvenience! You bet this is an inconvenience! *grumble, babble, mumble*

OK, I was wrong, the officer wasn't that hapless afterall since he managed to exit the stage safely not long after. Us, however, had to hear her further whining and moaning for another good 5 minutes or so. But, finally, thank goodness, the other elevator arrived ...

At last! At last! But, my oh my, how horrendous! This is not a regular elevator. This is a freight elevator! And an ugly one at that!

Yuck! I can smell the smoke in here! Disgusting! Disgusting!

The lady seemed to enjoy repeating her adjectives. I told myself to be patient since it would be over soon, but I never thought that soon was 5 seconds later ...

Hey, this is our floor. Let's go! Come on, let's go! Quick, quick! , she informed the supporting casts of obeying husband and son.

The closing of the elevator door was the closing of the curtain of her play and with that I sighed a sigh of relief. But what a quick ride it was for her. I checked what floor we were at and I was in disbelief. Ground floor? She stopped at the Ground floor? We were at the Lower Ground floor, and she only needed to go to the Ground floor? That's one freaking floor away! Oh my goodness lady, you could have burned less calorie by taking the stairs! Instead you spent a gazillion calories spewing all kinds of complaints and forced us to be the audience of your soapbox rants!

Unbelievable! Just unbelievable!

Women are impossible

It's quite impossible to understand women, heck, not even ourselves are up to the task. So, props to Woody for the relentless effort to try to understand us, or some might say, to resist being dumped :)

One of my favorite Woody skit ever!

Why I want world peace

... and lots of money ;P

Saayeh khosh formations in Southern Iran

photo by Sizif

Wisdom Extraction - The purpose of existence

They were the two rotten scoundrel ones. One of them has started to emerge from its underground hiding and perform steady attacks to the neighbouring land, and while the other one still remains in its hiding, the clairvoyant has spoken of a future bloodbath, the next Great War, unless I, the god of this kingdom, the architect of the land, be quick in my action and stop these seething rebellious acts before things go awry.

Who am I kidding. I am no god, not even of my own property. I just have to accept whatever God, the intelligent designer of this world, has for me. But does God really exist? If He exists, why does He let suffering in this world? Because, really, what is the purpose of existence of wisdom teeth? They don't add any wisdom to the beholder, and I certainly do not find any use for them in other aspects, be it aesthetically or functionally.

Maybe, the evolution team has it right all along? World is just a coincidence, a big bang followed with an evolution through time using the sheer guidance of survival of the fittest. It sure does explain why the useless wisdom teeth exist in the human body. Why, it's just a leftover from the previous less perfect version of human! Since it's not an intelligent design and rather, an evolution, there bounds to be some imperfect parts here and there. Say, how many teeth does a monkey have? Do they have wisdom teeth at all? Hmm, I may need to contact Stephen Jay Gould and talk to him about getting some funding for a research on this subject.

As I was heavy in my meaningless thoughts, pretending as if my wandering mind would result in the undeniable evidence that will end the never ending debate of evolution vs. intelligent design, the doctor gave a last check to see whether my anesthesia was already in full effect, and asked me the following powerful question, "Are you ready?".

Then, it suddenly hit me, everything makes sense now. The purpose of existence of wisdom teeth. Eureka! I believe that the reason why wisdom teeth exist, and more often than not imperfectly, is so that we can remember God. He created wisdom teeth for the sake of the modern generation, the spoiled generation with not enough real misery and suffering happening in their daily lives. The omniscient God has foreseen this and therefore during the creation of human some few millennium to million years ago created these troublesome wisdom teeth as a device of reminder and wake up call for the wayward son.

Because no matter how much I think in my leisure time about the big grand questions of life: is the world deterministic or coincidence, is it an intelligent design or evolution, is there an afterlife and heaven and hell, in the end, when I saw that clunky pliers getting closer and closer to my mouth and I started hearing that dreaded voice of dental machinery that captures the voice of 1001 horrendous dreams, I immediately called upon God and asked how He's doing and would it be so much of a trouble if He could direct His attention to His long lost child at the moment and make sure that the doctor doesn't mess up this tiny operation and for the anesthesia to work its magic for as long as it can, 5 days preferably.

So, I braced myself and replied, "OK, Doc, let's begin."

And then I ended my prayer just like how they always taught me, "Thank you God and let your will be done ... although surely your will and mine are the same at this moment. Amen."

Truth Not Found

I guess I'm looking for truth at the wrong place.

Hypocrite

I was assaulted by the bold and offensive aroma of excessive hairspray, spiky (prickly) hair, skinny jeans, jazz hands, and pointy shoes and I felt nauseated. But then I wonder whether the nausea was due to my repulsion of the shallowness of these people or because I was jealous of their excellent and socially commended appearance. Giving it some further thoughts, I ended up repulsed myself for being jealous of people that I find repulsive. So, today I learn that it is much more fun to be an obtuse hypocrite rather than a hyper-conscious one.

Mango and Fringe

In the past wretched weeks, a persistent unwelcomed problems have decided to visit and play pranks with our telephone lines. The service guy, always the same unlucky fellow, will come, go up to either or both our roof and our fence, and find that yet again, there is a new cable, forever different from the last blasted culprit, that has been ruined by the vile duet of the mighty wind and the fierce force of the limbs of our mango tree.

The mango tree has been a fixed stature on our front yard since my memory permits me to remember. No mango tastes better than our mango, and I have a witness to back up my claim. The parking guy on our street, who, comes the harvest season, always equipped his repeated visits to our yard with a long stick and a burlap bag, will attest the satisfying quality of our mangoes.

And Monday arrived. The poor hated Monday was blessed to receive one less verbal beating and profanity attack than the usual portion it receives. It puzzled me how I didn't grumble and babble and give everyone the anti social look on that day until I finally realized, around mid-day, that it was most probably due to the large amount of gorgeous rays that came forth and enlightened all of the sad gloomy people in our building. On further thoughts, there was probably only one sad gloomy person in the building.

"Mother darling, what a beautiful day we have here! I don't think we've had such bright and shiny day for months! Is it because the rainy season has bid his farewell?" I, for once, initiated a weather conversation with mother. Without turning her eyes from her work, mother replied briskly, "No, silly head, I asked our employees to cut down some of the mango branches last Saturday!"

Obviously, a good worker like me would not go to the office on Saturday. It's a matter of keeping the productivity level high. So, I was a bit shocked by the news. Shocked and feeling quiet stupid for not noticing the ample space that replaced what once was a fraternity of bullying mango branches.

First came sadness, a long standing witness of my life, a mute observant of all my bad judgments and bad decisions since childhood is gone before its natural time. Yet, it really felt as if a layer of fuzzy dark screen that distorts my point of view of the world has been lifted away, and I could finally see the world as a brighter, cheerier and happier place. The mundane activities no longer repulsed me as much, and I felt more positive about life than I ever allow myself to be.

"Bring it on life, here's one person that is ready to milk everything life has to offer!", I said while shaking my right fist up in the air.

Then of course, I started to feel the sting of heat that comes as a package with the gorgeous rays. I realized that without the protection of our mango tree, we've become a greenhouse , a fish in a bowl placed in the middle of the street of a blazing hot tropical city with no sunscreen protection to prevent us from getting agitated and hot headed.

Naturally, I started to complain incessantly about how hot it is, and how the full blast AC directed at me doesn't do its trick, and how things doesn't look as bright and wonderful anymore as it is hot and Hot and HOT!!!

So, the curtain of darkness has been drawn again, and peyo is back to her natural habitat.

Home sweet home.

So, the question now is should I cut my fringe? Maybe it could do the job of holding the curtain withdrawn than a mere few hours. Maybe I should.