Bribe Me Please

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Indonesian Corruption Watch (ICW) has just announced East Java as the second most corrupt province in Indonesia. The first position belongs to DKI Jakarta.

Upon reading this news, I was greatly saddened. Why does Jakarta always have to be number 1?

We, as the citizens of East Java, have done our best to improve the corruption rate. We've tried to bribe whenever we can. Passport Renewal? ID Card Renewal? You name any type of cards, forms, and letters that require the stamp of government, and you can rest assured that we have, in one way or another, bribed the officials to smoothen the process.

Many departments in our province have also worked hard to beat Jakarta on this race. The article in Jawa Pos has mentioned that the health department and education department in our province have so many loopholes for corruption. So does the procurement department for civil servants (Pegawai Negeri Sipil). Keep up the good work guys!

Unfortunately, there have been some attempts to drop our rank. Take my city, Surabaya, for example. They introduced a drive-thru system for driver license renewal. No corruption opportunity here (at least not yet).

Early this year, they also released a strict no-bribe policy for traffic rules violators. The regulation stated that anyone who attempts to bribe the cops will be imprisoned immediately. There were even a few individuals who have gone to jail because of their ignorance to this policy.

This somehow reminds me of what happened a few weeks ago. I was stopped by a police officer while I was driving. Apparently, I was making an illegal U-Turn. Turns out, you can only make a U-Turn when you’re at the right most lane. I was at the second to right, so a right turn is allowed, but not a U-Turn.

I was so sure that I didn’t make any mistake, that when the police officer stopped me, I was so furious.

Police: Can I see your driver license and registration please?
Me: What have I done, Sir?
Police: You have made an illegal U-Turn, Mam.
Me: But there is a U-Turn sign at the corner and I’m on the lane that can either turn right or go straight. So, it’s a legal turn, Sir. (What a schmuck I was).
Police: Yes, but that lane only allows you to turn right, not U-Turn.
Me: But there is a U-Turn sign, Sir.
Police: Again, can I see your driver license and registration please? And please step aside to our post.
Me: But, I’m innocent, Sir.
Police: Just come to our post please.
Me: Fine.

At the post police
Me: I have done no wrong, Sir.
Police: Just hear me out, OK. Imagine what happens if the car at the right most lane wants to turn right while you’re trying to make a U-Turn.

He then made a little imaginary sketch to try to emphasize his point:

(Materializing the sketch for your convenience)

Me: Ahh, Kaboom, Sir!
Police: YES, that’s right! (He seemed so relieved that my tiny stubborn brain can finally understand his point)
Me: Well, sir, I really didn’t mean to break the law. I really didn’t know.
Police: Fine, well, can you come to the court on the xxth to go on a trial and pay the fine?
Me: To the court, Sir?
Police: Yes, to the court? Will you be able to attend?
Me: Well, I would be working on that day, Sir. Can’t you just let me go with warning, Sir? I really didn’t have any intention to break the law.


(using my Shrek's cat's innocent eyes technique)

Police: Haha, no, I can’t do that. So, will you be able to attend, Mam?
Me: Well, Sir, as I’ve said, I will be working on that day. Is there any other option, Sir?
Police: Well, no, you have to come and attend the trial. So, what shall we do now?
Me: I don’t know, Sir. Can’t you tell me what other options I have?
Police: Well, if you want to, I can help pay the fine for you. So you don’t have to go to the court yourself.
Me: Ahh, yes, Sir. That would be great.
Police: Well, here’s the chart. Based on your violation, you will have to pay Rp. 40.000,-.
Me: Hmm, can’t you put me on a very light violation category, Sir? The one that only costs Rp. 25.000,-? As I’ve said, I really didn’t know that it was against the law, Sir.
Police: Haha, no, I can’t.
Me: Well … I don’t have an exact change. I only have Rp. 50.000,-, Sir.
Police: Well, I don’t have any change for that.
Me: That’s fine, I guess.
Police: Alright then, here’s your driver license and registration.
Me: Thank you, Sir!
Police: Drive safe!
Me: OK, Sir!

Wow, I was blown away. Not only that they were not asking for bribes, they were being helpful and offered assistance to pay my fine.

Maybe we don’t have to be number one on this corruption thingy. The title can be all yours to keep Jakarta! I'd rather have a clean and helpful government.

But wait, they didn’t write down my driver license number or any other data. How can they pay the fine for me? Oh, they must have written it quickly while I wasn’t paying any attention.

Yes… that must be it.

Disclaimer: The writer is a law abiding citizen who is repulsed by the idea of corruption and bribery. Any part of this post that indicates an action of bribing by the writer must be considered as a fiction only.

*grin*

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wakakaka, dejavu.

Remember when I was visiting you, pey?
The same thing happened. The police officer just waited for you to offer him some money ... delaying, trying to scare you of going to the court, and at last, offering to help you pay the fine. Is this the latest protocol?

peyo said...

So, how much did I hypothetically end up paying in this fiction of yours? Cause I've never bribed you know. Rp.50.000,- is a robbery me think.

Anonymous said...

Ups, pardon my previous comment ....

Well, Lin, if you hypothetically ended up paying the officer, it would be considered as a fine rather than a bribe, wouldn't it?

And, no, I don't remember how much you hypothetically paid him ... paid the fine I mean ... whatever ....


PS: I've just realized that the word 'hypothetically' is not the easiest word to spell ....

Anonymous said...

LOL. This is one funny post about bribing. You don't even have to give hints, the police man does all the work for ya!

Anyway, if you want to do a U-turn, you should've taken the right lane instead, it is indeed quite dangerous taking a U-turn to the right from the far left lane.

So that is a good excuse for the police to get some money out of you :)

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